Two Revelations I Had Today

Saturday, December 17, 2016


This morning James slept in until 8:00 AM. He has never slept in this late before and it was wonderful. Brock and I both woke up around 7:00 and started our days without our almost two-year-old demanding attention. It was so peaceful with just the two of us moving quietly around the apartment and I couldn't stop reveling in the calm. No one bothered me while I was putting my moisturizer on and no one cried as we made the bed (James often gets sad to see the sheets put away). I was able to eat my breakfast without a kid hanging on to my leg screaming "Bike!" (his way of saying "bite").

And then it occurred to me that this time that we have now, with a crazy toddler who never stops moving and needing things from us, is fleeting. Someday in the not too distant future, we will wake up on weekend mornings to peace and quiet, and the baby sleeping in his room will be a teenager who won't roll out of bed until noon. We'll have that quiet time to ourselves again, the time that I have been longing for and wishing I had almost every morning. And realizing that made me grateful for the crazy times we have now, because they won't last forever.

While in the midst of me enjoying my quiet time, I realized something else important. Brock has to work today. He's lucky (and I'm lucky) that he can work from home, and it's flexible enough that he was still able to take James to the farmer's market across the street to ride the little train and eat fruit samples. But still, it's hard for me to deal with being the primary caretaker for six days in a row. Thinking on my day ahead made me worry about how it was all going to go.

But then I started remembering what it was like when Brock was in law school before we had James. Specifically his first year, when it felt like he worked every single Saturday. My job never required me to work on the weekends, so I spent most Saturdays alone. I had a few friends in my same situation (no kids, busy husband) who I could and did hang out with, but for the most part my weekends felt lonely. I cleaned the apartment, did laundry, went to the gym, and read lots of books. It was quiet, but solitary and not very happy.

So I asked myself today if I would rather have that life again. If I didn't have James and Brock worked on Saturdays, would I prefer that to my days now? And gratefully, I realized that I like my time much better now. It feels much fuller and more purposeful. It's filled with a lot more laughter and silliness. It is definitely harder and simultaneously more boring (in some ways), but I would choose it every time. Realizing this made me feel so much better about today and my life overall. Even though it's not always ideal, it's always the one I would pick.

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