When I was pregnant, the most vivid of all my dreams was when I was handed a new baby and began nursing him. I woke up afterward and thought that nursing seemed like the sweetest, coziest thing I could do with my baby.

James, at 19 months, is now officially weaned. He should have been weaned a few weeks ago, since I was working at it before we left for D.C., but once we came back he nursed a couple more times. But now I can say it- he's weaned.

Sometimes I let my mind drift back to how it was at the beginning. Nursing was so hard at first. When my milk came in I had so much pain I almost couldn't bear it. Latching hurt, sleeping on my stomach hurt, trying to go more than 3 hours between feedings hurt. I asked my mom if it ever stopped hurting and she said that soon the pain would go away. Secretly I thought she was wrong. I thought maybe the pain went on and on and was just dulled by time, so that you even if you didn't feel it anymore it still kept hurting.

When James was one month old, I sat on the couch holding him, looking at the bright yellow blossoms of the tree outside our window and realized I had one month down. I felt like I had accomplished something major, but I also felt that it was only the tiny beginning of a journey that would never end.

But of course it did stop hurting and of course it did end. My baby now runs everywhere and mimics everything I say. He still needs me, but no longer in the same way he did as a small baby.

An accurate portrayal of how I looked the first month or so of James's life
I fiercely loved nursing. I always preferred the term nursing to breastfeeding because nursing seemed to connote comfort and security in addition to nourishment. At the beginning when nursing took two hands and all my concentration, I would stare at his every movement, every face twitch and think how beautiful and sweet he was. I understood that this is how I would fall in love with my baby. The closeness was the aspect of early motherhood that I loved the most.

Nursing was a privilege and a joy.


  1. Kimmie-I Love this. I feel like you took a step that I forget to take often in times of suffering. I am quick to acknowledge what is hard and to share it with others. But I frequently forget it that we are meant to have Joy! And joy through suffering. This is such a great example of Faith in the Savior! Thanks so much for sharing❤️❤️

  2. This post speaks to me so much. I'm one month into nursing my second (and probably last) child. I stopped nursing my son (now almost 4!) when I had to go back to work and it just wasn't doable to combine the morning-evening nursing with a calm beginning/ending of the day. Plus, the kid loved the bottle as much as my breast and finally started looking me in the eye while feeding him (with a bottle). Cramps stopped and we were all okay to stop.
    Now I know it is the last time and even if my nipples are feeling like they get torn into a million pieces, I'm determined to make it last longer and not let going back to work be the start of the end. I'll let my child decide this time and I am going to save this post to support me. There speaks so much joy and contentment out of it, you seem to be so in peace with how it went - just perfect!

    1. Thank you so much for this wonderful reply! I totally get how hard it is to try and nurse while going back to work. Pumping is a huge nuisance and at the end of the day, your baby just needs to be fed. But I'm glad you're trying again with your second! I really do love it so much


Post a Comment

Popular Posts