April 19th

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

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On April 19, 2012, Brock and I began dating. Every April 19th since then has been special to me, since it was the first step I took in aligning my life with Brock's.

On this day, five years ago, Brock and I meet up in Provo. We haven't seen each other since the previous December, as I had been interning in Washington D.C. I was only visiting BYU for two days,and before coming I texted Brock to see if he would be available to hang out. He responded, "!!!!! Yes!" and my heart fluttered a little bit.

We've been friends for a long time (a year and a half, which felt like forever at college), but I have never been ready to commit to anything.

That fateful night, he picks me up at my cousin's house. As he sits down on the couch next to me, the evening sunlight comes through the door behind him and I suddenly realize how blue his eyes are. Have his eyes always been so blue? He smiles happily at me and I feel warm everywhere. Has his smile always made me feel like that? His elbow brushes mine and I feel a shiver go through me.

We leave and drive to downtown Provo. When we get out of the car, Brock takes my hand and I pretend like it's completely normal while in reality I'm unable to breathe right or form coherent thoughts.

We walk around for awhile and I can't stop laughing and smiling at everything he says. Eventually, we end up sitting on a bench on Center Street. In the middle of a normal conversation, Brock leans over and kisses me. It is magical.

Later, we sit in his car before he drops me off. The night had been so different and my feelings were so surreal that I blurt out, "So what's going on here?' And he answers, "I like you. I've liked you for a long time and I would date you if you wanted to date me." Those are his exact words that I write in my journal the next night. He doesn't skirt around the issue, just tells me exactly what is on his mind, in a manner that I have loved ever since.

I say "Yes!" almost immediately, although I'm also somewhat anxious. This, I can tell, is a big deal. A very big deal. These feelings I'm having are completely different than any I have experienced before. What I'm saying yes to is something momentous.

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