Turning 27

Yesterday I turned 27. I'm always a tiny bit embarrassed by my age because I feel like having two kids and being married for 5 years means I should be older. But, who cares? I'm young and sometimes I feel old.

I went out for a solo breakfast (which I loved) and reflected on being 26. This past year wasn't an easy one for me, but it was an important year. Depression marred the first half of the year (and months before that too) and it changed me fundamentally, in ways I'm still coming to terms with. I'm not the same person I was when I turned 26, and I am so far from the person I was when I turned 25.

I'm so grateful for this year and all I went through. I'm not grateful for the depression itself, because I never want to be depressed again, but I'm grateful for the ways it made me stretch and grow.

I have a deeper relationship with God, one that I had to fight for and wrestle with, one that took time to come to. But one that is so much better than it was before.

I have a stronger connection to my husband, forged through days and nights of leaning on each other. I have a better appreciation for my children and for the fact that each day I get to mother them.

Over the past few months I have often thought, "I'm so glad I'm not depressed anymore." I'll repeat it over and over to myself. I'm not depressed. I'm not depressed. I'm not depressed. It feels important to me to revel in this fact and to soak it in every day. Look at all that I can do! Look at all that I have! Look at me!

So, here I am. 27 years old, still trying to figure myself out but feeling happy with where I am now.

And, on a lighter note, here are a few things I want to remember from this year:

-I had the cutest, sweetest baby ever
-I quit soda
-I vastly improved my sleep by wearing eye masks
-I got on antidepressants
-I made HUGE improvements on the Wednesday NYT crossword (I use this calendar set)
-For the first time in over ten years, I didn't make any money (I have mixed feelings on this one)
-I potty-trained my two-year-old

I'm ready to be 27.


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